I've disapeared.

OMG, I'm not an Aspie! Read this article Aspergers dropped from the DSM-V I don't exist anymore, lol.

The diagnosis of Aspergers was never universally accepted, so it is no longer a sub-category of Autism. It now falls under Autism proper now. Damn I need to change my label.

Life, places and history.

Opps, got side tracked by life and forgot to update my blog.

My job sometimes takes me away from home, so I've spent the past month on the east coast; and will spend the next one here as well. I can't wait to get back home to the west coast. I'll be back in time for the holidays.

I've come to realize something; or more like I've finally admitted something to myself, I don't like being back here. I spent six and a half years here last time, that was enough. And the 6 months I spent in Bosnia... well... the buddy I went on deployment with had a breakdown after we got back, really bad. I still couldn't say why, he doesn't talk about it and I don't seem to have any recollection of seeing anything bad... but my wife tells me I have nightmares, that I don't remember.  Being back here has upset me more than I realized, its been over ten fucking years and as I type this my heart is pounding, and I have no specific reason why, nothing conscious anyways. I fucking hate this.

Just a minute...

"Just a minute..."
Those three words are the bane of my wife's existence. It usually means I'm busy with something and need a minute to finish...  perhaps it sometimes means I'm not quite paying attention... ok ok ok... its the sounds I make when something she has said, almost penetrates to where my focus is. Who needs a bomb shelter? I've got my mind to hide in.

A new word

Wikipedia teaches me something new everyday.

New word that I like, Neurodiversity. It explains what I was trying to say in my Having or Being? post.

So that means I'm Neurodiverse? meh, I don't like the sound of that, too...blah.
I like Maladjusted better.

Its not OCD

I have obsessions, I call them hobbies. My spouse dubbed them obsessions; but while she is not Neurotypical, she doesn't quite get me either, we've been together for 18 years so I guess our neuroses/psychosis are compatible enough.
On a side note; I believe everyone in a long term relationship have compatible neuroses/psychosis. We all know our spouses are crazy, in a lovable way.

Most aspies I've met tend to do this, we find something interesting, BAM, we then become self taught experts. Our lines of thought tend to be things like; Anything worth doing, is worth overdoing. Go big or go home. No half measures. If 2 is good, 20 is ten times better. Do or do not, there is no try.

I my hobbies include; Computers, Racing simulators, Eve Online, Electronics, Music, Manga/Manhua, War games and some that are hard to describe and few understand.

I once had 27 computers in the house, 13 of which ran, now we are down to just 3. (5 if you count the Amiga 1000 and the Mac Portable).

I have several racing simulators, not the arcade type but physics-based-with-hundreds-of-settings-to-tweek-to-make-it-as-real-as-possible type, haven't built motion controlled racing cockpit yet but that's next on my list.

Eve Online; the internet spaceship game, stunning graphics, complex, a learning curve like free climbing across a cave ceiling. I've been playing for almost 2 years, no idea how many hours, lots.

I've two workbenches in the basement covered in electronics parts and gadgets. There is a robot in my kid's closet.

Two guitars, mandolin, dozen harmonicas, tin whistles and a digital grand piano...

And on it goes, I still call them hobbies, whatever my crazy spouse calls them.

I Don't Do Social

Well... I don't do social quite as poorly as I used to. All you neural-typicals (NT) learn how to 'do social' and such via osmosis, you pick it up from the air... you learn it just by growing up in a social environment. You have installed at birth, that little red light in the corner of your vision, the 'things-have-gone-very-quite-and-people-are-looking-at-you-strangely-so-whatever-it-is-you-are-doing-you-have-to-STOP-RIGHT-NOW!' light. Most aspies don't get one of those lights, we have to install them ourselves, if we see a need to that is, not all of us do. Its fun having a DIY brain, I get all sorts of options you NTs don't. I learned my social skills, such as they are, by deciding to. I watched, I listened, I emulated you NTs, not always with great success. The biggest help was few good friends, NTs for the most part. The sort of friends that will show you how that little red light should behave. They will tell you things like "Stop being weird", "Don't laugh, its not funny", "What is your major malfunction?" and "Keep doing crazy shit stuff like that and you'll never get laid again a steady girlfriend."
I also read, books and articles on social behaviour, societal norms. But never underestimate the value of social skills learned from a novel about first contact with aliens. An Aspie is a stranger in a strange land.

So I learned, consciously and deliberately. With help, some friendly and understanding, others... not so much. Gained some physical and emotional scars, until that new light you've installed fires when it should, things happen.

OK, I can do social, but only to the extent I've taught myself to deal with. But don't try and spring stuff like that on me out of the blue. I shift mental gears differently than you NTs. Doing social can take more energy than its worth sometimes. Sometimes its simply more fun to be Aspie in these situations. True I may not get invited back, but I do get remembered.

Having or being?

I don't have Aspergers, I am Aspergers.
You catch the flu, then you get better. You fracture a bone, then you heal.
You don't 'catch' Aspergers, nor does it 'happen' to you.
You are Aspergers, then you adapt, overcome and move on.

So... I'm a smart Aspie?

It seems being 'smart' changes how an Aspie presents. I still have the same issues as any other Aspie; I Don't Do Social, Emotional stuff is not easy, I don't get neural-typical people - I understand - I just don't 'get' them, I've hobbies (obsessions) others consider odd (weird) and the list goes on.
Being smart lets me watch and imitate you neural-typicals, try to blend in. But most of the time I still feel like a replicant from "Blade Runner"

I'm an Aspie

Its an odd thing, or perhaps it is better to say 'I'm an odd thing'. Growing up I'd always known that I was different, not just very smart, but in the way I saw things, what I thought was funny, my very wide and varied interests/obsessions, the way I missed things no one else did. The 'experts', after less than an hour of testing, thought 'maybe' I had ADD. I could have told them that, my whole family was 'Hyper' and had issues with focus and impulse control. I was 18, had an IQ that was "hard to pin down" but at least 130ish, and still had no real answers to explain why I felt like a 'Stranger in a strange land'. And despite being so 'intelligent' I wasn't 'smart' enough to graduate from high school.

I was officially diagnosed with ADD when I was 35, my IQ placed in the top half percentile. However the whole picture didn't get clearer until I was diagnosed with Aspergers a few years later. Whole picture? OK maybe just the frame =8-]

My side of the conversation with the Doctor went something like this; "Aspergers?...That's Autism Spectrum...I don't present the same behaviours, I'm nothing like 'Rainman', I don't sit and rock for hours or scream when touched. I've never had any issues with speech and language other than spelling, but that's my ADD...How is it Aspergers?"

Seems that most studies I knew of, focused on young children, many with other impairments. The few adult studies involved those who were effectively non-functional without daily assistance.

I seems my intelligence is what kept me from being the guy with the shopping cart full of crazy.